One whole decade (10 years) on dA + My absence

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So hey guys! Long time no talk. First off, I really wanted to bring up the subject on my absence for the past few years now & why I have not been submitting a whole lot of art. And I figured since today officially marks my dAnniversary, what better day to make a journal. I will try to not make this journal the very same as my last few journals. So bear with me please.

I just want all of you guys to know that just because I don't post any drawings at all anymore doesn't mean that I have lost my love for drawing. In fact, I still have past sketch books from 2013 - 2016(Even recently since the new year) full of sketches & lots inked with my prisma pens. There hasn't been a day that has gone by when I didn't want to share them all with you. But obviously I haven't because one of the main reasons being(Which I am ashamed to admit honestly) is my lack of motivation. And the other reason for the lack of motivation is my anxiety and depression diagnosis-es.

For those who may not understand, anxiety and depression are both real mental illnesses that have a huge interference in everyday life. Both different conditions that commonly occur together, and I unfortunately am one of others that has them both. I was first diagnosed with depression back in January 2012 & my anxiety on July 2013. Since the very beginning I have had to take medications just to help me function properly. Since then I have tried remaining positive, helping my loved ones when they need me, and giving a smile, even when I just want to curl up in a ball in the dark and cry. Of course I do stand up for myself when I need to and to those who matter the most to me. I have let my yes mean yes and my no mean no. I've been standing my ground and found that just looking on the bright side and counting all the blessing & the things I do have in my life have been exceptionally helpful and have made me happier. Happier now than looking back at my teen years, which I refuse to look back on since it is in my past for a reason. All the things I've done & regretted later on only bring me down.

Although the current meds I am taking are helping tremendously with taking care of my grandma at home & managing my job, I am still struggling with motivating myself to go do things that use to make me really happy. There are more obvious reasons of course for my diagnosis-es, but I'm only going to explain the lack of art. I am able to motivate myself to draw at times, but when it comes to posting them online that is where the anxiety starts to kick in. When I look at all the wonderful artists that have inspired me then & now from not just here but also artists who have tumblr accounts just for their art, I can't help but be so inspired to be the best I can be when it comes to being a cartoonist. This may sound kinda selfish & maybe cliche, but when I look at how talented these cartoonists are and how happy they are, especially receiving the feedback they truly deserve from their loyal fans, I also cannot help but be sorta jealous. But mostly feeling bad and looking at the art & the ones I am proud of done by myself and thinking that they aren't as wonderfully creative and thoughtfully put together like the other artists pieces are.

But hey, when I do start feeling bad I just stop myself from the negativity and just remember my first few years here on deviantART when I began even sharing my artworks in the first place. How happy I have made some others and reading back at all the comments/critiques I have received that have made me crack a smile. After a while submitting more and more artworks I have gained many faves & tons of followers as well for the hard work I've done. That is what kept me going all along. And for all of that I thank each and every single one of those guys, and to all of my faithful watchers as well.

Even though I may not submit artwork as much anymore, I never stopped coming back to this site and looking back. Someday when I do get my schedule all together and have more free time and motivation & inspiration, maybe I will start submitting more art in the near future. But in the mean time I only plan on taking care of my mental health and of course my friends & family who have continued to support me through all my hardships. I hope you guys understand. So please be patient and pray for me. I miss you all very much. Have a fantastic & safe 2017.

~Mo3 :heart:
© 2017 - 2024 chachi411
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itanatsu-chan's avatar
Happy anniversary! Im glad your meds are helping. I also have a few meda for the same reasons, and it's not fun at all. :( :hug: I can't wait to see you back in action!

(And I just realised this coming summer is the 10 year anniversary I first started talking to you via email and I was a spazzy teenager obsessed with Zutara lol. Oh the embarrassing times. XD)